For the last over 14 years at least, I am searching my heart and soul and exactly I am not getting what was is wrong with me! I feel myself disgusted and disappointed and exactly remember one verse of the Bhagwad Geeta 18\66, "sarva-aharman parityajya mam ekam sarana m vraja aham tvam sarva-paparbhyo moksayami ma sucah (abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions.Do not fear)." Right from 1998, I have faced and am facing all misfortunes, agonies, miseries-some time I smile, laugh, wonder at my plight.Although pain , anguish, regret are not new in my life since I grew up!
It look just I am a helpless creature on the earth. Different type of ailments because of my old age is also aggravating my woes. I find no where to give me helping hands although I earn that enough to fulfil my own requirements. I have lovely wife and lovely son .Even than I feel that I have plunged into the world of disappointment and despair. (About my wife and my son , I will try to write before I die).
Some time I feel there must be some thing serious bad with me-that is because I have been cursed and I will have to live amid all these misfortune situations!
I try very much to move for long journey of life- but I fail to take a tangible decision. During the period I have only lost ever things and there appear no end of my misfortunes. I think I should take some firm decisions and move out from here for unknown destinations, living everything on Almighty-that I will have to do.
My ideal dreams started crashing in the last over 14 years and I silently watched all these mishappenings-but I am not not worried for that but what I am sad is that what sins I have committed-but for that I also -I do not get any answers from my heart-Ecatcly I remember my parents-even than I do get nothings. My life has become so hard that at this age I face problems in even finding some one to help in reaching me to doctors -but no doubt I , some time, get help from my some close relations! Otherwise even for doctors advice, I go alone but pain and regrets push me to fight back to the wall and also encourages me to do some efforts to reach the destination!
During this critical phase, of course very long, I will have to take decisions. But I remember Almighty Krishna telling the panacea for every things bad and live every thing to the great Loard. And I invite a death in sleep! (more in next time although my mental frame is OK by the grace of Almighty- and I do reading, writings and other karmas with the blessing of Almighty-but peace is not there in my heart and soul-Wheat her I will get salvation or enlightenment in days to come a big question!)
It look just I am a helpless creature on the earth. Different type of ailments because of my old age is also aggravating my woes. I find no where to give me helping hands although I earn that enough to fulfil my own requirements. I have lovely wife and lovely son .Even than I feel that I have plunged into the world of disappointment and despair. (About my wife and my son , I will try to write before I die).
Some time I feel there must be some thing serious bad with me-that is because I have been cursed and I will have to live amid all these misfortune situations!
I try very much to move for long journey of life- but I fail to take a tangible decision. During the period I have only lost ever things and there appear no end of my misfortunes. I think I should take some firm decisions and move out from here for unknown destinations, living everything on Almighty-that I will have to do.
My ideal dreams started crashing in the last over 14 years and I silently watched all these mishappenings-but I am not not worried for that but what I am sad is that what sins I have committed-but for that I also -I do not get any answers from my heart-Ecatcly I remember my parents-even than I do get nothings. My life has become so hard that at this age I face problems in even finding some one to help in reaching me to doctors -but no doubt I , some time, get help from my some close relations! Otherwise even for doctors advice, I go alone but pain and regrets push me to fight back to the wall and also encourages me to do some efforts to reach the destination!
During this critical phase, of course very long, I will have to take decisions. But I remember Almighty Krishna telling the panacea for every things bad and live every thing to the great Loard. And I invite a death in sleep! (more in next time although my mental frame is OK by the grace of Almighty- and I do reading, writings and other karmas with the blessing of Almighty-but peace is not there in my heart and soul-Wheat her I will get salvation or enlightenment in days to come a big question!)
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